chezsnarko rants Archive for September 2007

American Patriotism

posted by snarko on Monday, September 24 2007

If You Want Democracy, You'll Find It at the Mall

Let me tell you about a little-known "economy" thingie they don't teach you in school.

No, your vote doesn't count. YOUR DOLLAR DOES.

So vote with it.

DON'T think about the price... how many HOURS did it take you to earn that? Calculate the dollar-per-hour for that item. Further, calculate the hours that item is gonna be used by you.

So in our household, glasses (for vision) and shoes (worn constantly) come down to pennies a day, due to how often they're used, no matter the pricetag.

No, do it.

Is it still worth it? Are you paying $30 or more per hour for something you're only getting $5.25 an hour for?

Then don't buy it.

It makes me sick, I mean SICK, that my current wage doesn't buy gas nor lunch to get to the job.

So I pack my lunch faithfully. And walk.

DON'T FEED THEM. And yes, they want your credit card.

These creeps have done the math, and you haven't.

YOU SALE SHOPPERS: How often do you buy it cuz it's on sale, and not what you need? If you don't need it, don't buy it. I don't care if it's 25 cents; do the math. That's three minutes of your life (if on credit card now eight minutes) for something you're never gonna use.

Now total the number of times you've said "yes" to this behavior, and how much that's actually cost you.

They count on you. They want you. You're giving them, each, 25 cents a half minute.

YOU DON'T EARN THAT in the same amount of time. You are NOT paid 25 cents per half minute. That's $30/hour.

Get it yet?!

I'm gonna expand on this later, but you gotta STOP DOING IT, STOP buying--seriously, you DON'T NEED IT...

Seriously, say this with me. Do you NEED it, or do you WANT it? If it's a WANT, DON'T BUY IT.

This is gonna be real good later... but I need to eat now. I mean need, not want.

snarko!s taboo words/phrases of 2007

posted by snarko on Wednesday, September 12 2007

for Matt Groening

For everyone who cringes the moment they hear a "career politician" (not a public servant) speak, or works a retail job when they used to have a salary, I present my winning words/phrases of the year I never, ever want to hear again:

10. PREMIUM (INSERT FOOD ITEM): YUCK! I have no idea why this word is so popular in food/beverage advertising. It's the furthest thing from appetizing, next to "moist" (which just makes me feel funny, and I mean funny, not funny funny).

I only associate the word with gasoline, which I wouldn't ingest.

9. CLEAN, SAFE NUCLEAR ENERGY: Oh yeah, keep trying to reassure us this is a good idea. I'll buy it when the people supporting it live right next to the plant they're proposing.

8. NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND/AMERICA COMPETES (TIE): You poor teachers. I do agree with the crazy dude that ran for Texas governor: it should read "No Child's Behind Left". And what are we competing for? Friendliest fascism in the world?

7. AFFORDABLE HOUSING: Often means 700-square-foot condo for "just" $250,000. Can someone PLEASE pass a law that this phrase MUST be qualified?! Like if you produce food you can't say "70% less fat" without also stating "70% less than WHAT"?!

You cannot let real estate developers define "affordable". DUH!!!

6. BIPARTISAN COOPERATION: Makes my skin crawl. You know it's bad. It shouldn't be, but too often means "We're saying that up front to make you think a bad idea is a good one... we agreed, didn't we?"

5. OPT-OUT: This one's overdue for execution. I couldn't believe the first time I heard it. There should ONLY EVER be an opt-in.

4. ELECTABILITY: The word doesn't even exist, invented solely by overpaid consultants and echoed by sheep, and overdue for the axe as well.

3. LIQUID COAL: What, are you NUTS?!?!?!?! Not even worth discussion.

2. DO YOU WORK HERE?: "No, I don't. I'm just wearing the company's shirt and opening boxes with a knife and stocking things on a shelf while asking people if they need help cuz I had nothing better to do today." Just ask for help, okay?

We frankly hate you, and wanna bash your teeth in every time you say this.

1. VERTICAL MIXED-USE: Austin taxpayer life suckers (see "Affordable Housing") that makes sense in a downtown area, but they keep trying to put them in the middle of quiet neighborhoods where they don't belong.

And who needs another Starbucks? No one else can afford the retail spaces on ground level while continuing to LOSE money, as no one wants these businesses anyway.

And built with MY money. As well as illegal/imported Mexicans that can't afford to live in the units they're building, even if the real estate developer bothers to pay them.

Thankfully, three years from now--because you're WAAAY overdoing it and there just aren't that many rich kids from Dallas whose mommies and daddies continuously buy them--we will call them "GHETTO".